Plant Medicine? Really?
It was during this period, the peak of my dysfunction, when a friend invited me to “journey” with plant medicine. He told me about ayahuasca, that it would help me heal my past. My mother’s addiction harbored in me a deep animosity toward any type of “drug,” so I was very fearful of putting anything resembling that into my body. I thought, “No thanks, you’re actually going to get high to try and connect with God? Seriously?!?” wanted nothing to do with it.
Then strangely, over the next two weeks, I was invited to four separate plant medicine ceremonies, by people I knew but who were
not connected to one another. I even had a company in Costa Rica try to hire me to help them build their ayahuasca retreat center. What was up? However, it was the fourth friend, an incredibly spiritual and grounded woman whom I respected and, as I came to learn, had worked with plant medicine for nearly three decades, who finally got through to me. She was a client and invited me to
attend a ceremony her company takes part in each year to set her company’s visions. I finally agreed to go as she shared with me that this plant medicine was not a drug, but rather a natural substance derived from ancient medicinal plants. She explained it was non-addictive, and that when utilized in the right way and guided by a trained shaman, a plant medicine “journey” is very spiritual and transformative.
After discussing the various plant medicines and their purposes with the shaman, I decided to trust the process and try the mild South African plant called Kana.
Thank God I did, because what happened that night was miraculous and changed my life forever. The shaman asked me to set an intention at the beginning of the journey, so I asked, rather pleaded, “Why do I keep attracting self-destructive men into my life, and why do I try so hard to save them?” Secondly, I really wanted to know my life’s purpose.
And, wow. The plant medicine opened me up in a whole new way, and I was able to see myself through a fresh lens. There was no conflicting mind chatter; I could hear my own inner voice so clearly and strongly. And, it was a voice I hadn’t really heard until then.
There was a woman at the journey who looked so familiar to me, I wondered if I knew her from somewhere. It wasn’t until we were well into the night that I realized she looked exactly like my mother. I mean exactly like her. The woman was crying and I watched as a group of women gathered around her to console her. In that moment, my inner voice said, “Overcompensating mother. You never had a real mother so you had to be the mother to everyone else in your life.” Then, I was shown a vision of every man I ever attracted into my life. They either had no mother figure, or their mother abused them in some terrible way. And, because, so early on in my childhood I had to be the mother, I took on that role to fill the void of not having a mother myself. I was shown, in the most loving way, that my deep desire to save and protect others was because I desperately wished that someone had done this for me.
What I came to see with such clarity is that I was sacrificing my own personal joy and wellbeing by trying to save men who really didn’t want to be saved. I kept running into the same brick wall that was holding me back. And, the biggest aha? It turns out, the men weren’t the ones putting up the brick wall in front of me; I was. I was the one actually standing in my own way.
And, an even brighter light was yet to come. I asked the medicine again about my life’s purpose. Suddenly, my entire consciousness came to life. It was so clear as I was shown how my entire life of playing the role of mother had actually prepared me for my true purpose: to mother and nurture businesses and movements whose missions were to heal the planet. It was so profound and felt so right. From that very moment, I no longer carried the weight of the world and I could see a well-lit pathway in front of me. I left my ad agency and focused all of my energies into my renewed purpose.