Please Heal Me
It led me down a path of polar opposition and I knew I had to change my life. I found spirituality and meditation, attended numerous self-help workshops, completed life transformation programs, read hundreds of books and worked personally with healers, life coaches and therapists became a self-help junkie.
That catapulted me into an ambitious business life. I launched an advertising agency in my 20s and became very successful. I was
driven and relentless to make money, thinking that would solve all my problems. I was also very good at painting a beautiful picture of a life well lived. But eventually that too became a mask, as I spun my wheels in a profession I wasn’t passionate about. Since I was incapable of knowing how to process my deeper agony, much less navigate my healing, I just kept trying to fill a bottomless hole, covering my flawed canvas with yet another seemingly pretty landscape.
How that manifested most prolifically was in the repeated patterns of my romantic relationships. Each time, I fell madly in love and had great passion, but they always ended in the same way. Time and time again, each guy proved to be the same guy as before but with a different face. I was constantly attracting men who were victims needing to be saved and often times they were sociopaths or narcissists with addictions who had no interest in being saved. I would see their higher potential and give all of myself to try to save them and change them into what they could be. This was torture, and I put myself through it again and again.
I was a single mom, desperate to establish a better life and home for my son, and was anxious to find the answers as to why this kept happening to me.
To make matters worse, my soul was dying every day that I spent running my advertising agency. It felt shallow and unfulfilling. I knew I was meant for so much more. I wanted for my work to have a meaningful purpose and an impact on the world, to be transforming for others as well as myself.